• Kylie van Gelder

How to Know When You Need Space and Time Off from "Life"


Let's admit it, sometimes life feels like it's just too much and we need a break from the everyday.


Recently, I took a small hiatus from social media. Ok, I still scrolled the addictive tool and clicked some algorithm ads that were directed to my profile, but I didn't post.


Even within my own business of coaching I haven't actively been looking for ladies to coach. Posting a blog has been a while and I haven't done anything related to promoting my online course. If anything, I've been slacking off in my business.


At first I was like "Ky, what the F? You're being lazy! You have your own business now and if you don't pull your shit together you'll have no cash flowing in and eventually all your hopes, dreams and desires will fling themselves out the window!"


Then I realized this wasn't me talking. It was my inner critic. The real me knew she needed a break. Some time away from everything to simply be. To be in the moment. To rest and recharge. To figure stuff out by allowing myself some quiet time to contemplate shit.


I simply needed time off, some space, from life, or as much time as a mom of two young kids can have.


How did I come to this conclusion?


The first thing I did was listen.


We are so busy telling ourselves what a shitty job we're doing that we rarely, if ever, take the time to listen to what we are actually feeling and what we actually want. Instead we allow the batshit crazy voice in our head to determine who we are.


When you stop and simply listen in silence (scary I know), you can hear the real you whispering from deep within the right side of your brain. The voice is quietly calling out what you need and what you deserve. If you listen close and long enough, it will even tell you who you truly are. WTF? Yup, it's true.


This takes time - hence my long business pause - because we cling to the fear-based voice, which over powers our compassionate and loving voice, as all loud mouths tend to do.


This is why silence is so important... to quiet the noisemaker.


I do this when I meditate. Guided meditations are great, but sitting in silence offers a whole other opportunity to discover what you need.


Author Glennon Doyle talks about this in her book Untamed. She refers to it as "be still and know." Jay Shetty, author of Think Like a Monk highlights that when we are silent or still, we can discover what our body and mind need.


Try this:

Set a timer for 10 minutes (or longer).

Sit in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed.

Put your notifications on silent.

Focus on your breathe.

Ask yourself "What do I need right now?"

Breathe in deep through your nose and breath out slowly from your mouth.

When your mind wonders (and it will) just bring it back to your breath.

Ask yourself again and again "What do I need right now?"

Keep the question the exact same.

When an answer pops up, ask again.

If you don't get any answers that's ok too. This is a practice, so it takes time to get into and switch off the distractions.


Next I journaled... a lot!


Yes, here it is again. I think it comes up in almost all of my articles. Do you want to know why? Because it actually works! If you want to discover what you need in life, write. Even audio recordings work for those who think they need to be good at writing or prefer to talk things out.


Journaling what came out of your meditation or just allowing free flow writing on a daily basis is an awesome way to get shit out of your head. This is a mega helper in discovering what you need and in deciphering the difference between the real you and the negative nincompoop.


The last thing I did was I simply allowed myself to be.


Without pressure or judgement, I continue to do my thing in ways that feel good to me. Sure there are many times when I scratch my head and wonder what the heck I'm doing. But usually I give myself space and freedom to breathe and do what feels right.


Honestly, I'll admit, being that I'm my own boss I can decide how much and how little I work. I know this isn't the case for everyone. Maybe taking weeks or months off isn't an option for you. Remember to ask yourself what you need, deeply and not just a surface sarcastic joke of "Oh, I'd love to take a month off."


Maybe for you it's a dance class or a regular night out with some friends or a fixed date night with your partner. It can be anything that allows you to take your mind off the everyday and to give you the space you need to just be you.


There you have it, when you feel like life is getting to be too much look inside yourself to see what you need. Meditate, journal and just allow yourself to be.


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